Tag: Dan Brown

“Inferno” review #1

“Inferno”. It’s the name of my favourite Jon Pertwee “Doctor Who” story and, as such, I’m going to compare Dan Brown’s latest to one of the classic “Doctor Who” stories.

It’s not as good as “Inferno”.

Well, that was ambiguous.

Just like Dan Brown’s use of adjectives.

“Inferno”, of which I am now ten percent of the way through, has yet to draw me in to its story. Oh, we have the stock villain (or, from the looks of it, two stock villains), the daring damsel and Robert Langdon, who is incredibly fussy about his clothes this time around. There’s also the hint of a massive conspiracy being run by a group called the “Consortium” and a plot involving, I’m imagining, poisoning someone’s water supplies.

But, as of yet, the conceit of a Robert Langdon novel, the main character’s specialisation in the pseudo-discipline of Symbology, isn’t happening. What has happened is a chase scene that ended in the reading of some press clippings and a cube farm worker watching a video.

Thrilling!

Back to it, I guess.

Notice of a forthcoming review: “Inferno” by Dan Brown

Hello, regular reader(s).

At some point tomorrow (or maybe Wednesday), Dan Brown’s latest Robert Langdon novel, “Inferno” will arrive on my e-reader, at which point I will be consuming the book like someone who reads conspiracy theories for a living and is about to die. I will be live-tweeting my thoughts on the book, hashtag #infernal, so follow that hashtag if you dare.

I’ll also be constructing a review of “Inferno” on the blog: basically I plan to read a few chapters, review what I’ve read and then update that review in a new post a few chapters later. If you can be bothered to read such a series of hastily scrabbled together words in constructions I laughingly call “sentences”, then you’ll get to see my developing thoughts on “Inferno”. If you can’t be bothered, then you can skip to the last review and thank the gods above and the gods below that you don’t have to read Dan Brown novels for a living.

Not that I’m currently making money of being a conspiracy theory theorist.

You can read my review of the last Dan Brown novel, “The Lost Symbol”, here.

“The Lost Symbol” Review attempt 1

There are two purposes to a book review, I feel. One is to tell you whether it is worth your while to read the book being reviewed; the other is to tell you why I think you should or should not read the book being reviewed. I’m telling you this because I feel I can’t actually begin the review without giving away a major spoiler, and thus I think you need at least another paragraph of fluff before I tell you what the secret it is that the Freemasons are hiding.

“The Lost Symbol” is not a good book. It is, at the very most, adequately written, which is as damning with faint praise as you can get, and the plot, lifted very much from Dan Brown’s earlier (and better) work “Angels and Demons,” lacks power and punch.

Yet, no matter what I say, will this likely change whether or not you read this book.

The Secret the Freemasons have hidden is the Bible.

Well, except for that. By revealing the ‘Lost Symbol’ of “The Lost Symbol” I can, at least, make you less inclined to bother.

In “Angels and Demons” there was no real central conceit, no mystic mumbo-jumbo, only an elaborate disinformation campaign run by one man to make the Catholic Church think an ancient (and fictitious) enemy is once again on the move. In “The Da Vinci Code” the conceit is, at least, interesting (if equally false); what if the central story about the Christian Messiah had been tampered with. Both of these plot twists are surprising and work; the former because it is startling and the latter because, whether you believe it or not, it does pose a perfectly good question, “What if everything you thought you knew about Christ was wrong?”

In “The Lost Symbol” it turns out the Masons are hiding the Bible.

A book you can buy from the same bookseller you picked up “The Lost Symbol” from.

The plot of “The Lost Symbol” is the usual story; Robert Langdon, an academic specialised in occult symbols, is summoned to Washington, D.C., where he gets caught up in a series of art-related puzzles relating to an ancient order hiding an ancient secret. He is opposed by a violent assassin with strange and occult tendencies and, about halfway through the book, Langdon gets an info dump by someone with a defect.

And the secret being hidden is the Bible.

I cannot repeat this enough; the Freemason’s great secret is the Bible.

It is a little hard to review a book with a central conceit this pauce. It feels as if “The Lost Symbol” is an apology for “The Da Vinci Code.” Brown seemed legitimately surprised by just how vitriolic some of his opponents became. Not the literary critics or the historians; their criticisms were swept carefully away because, after all, “The Da Vinci Code” was just a novel. No, Brown seemed surprised by how people took his fiction to be an attack on the Christian Messiah. That was not his intention.

So, in “The Lost Symbol,” the Bible becomes the greatest secret the world has ever known.

The Bible, it seems, contains within it not just the wisdom of the ages, the power of the Ancient Mysteries, and advanced scientific knowledge, if only you knew how to access it.

Luckily, this treasure trove of information, is available in bookstores almost everywhere.

The Bible…

I just can’t do it, not just now. The book is dull. I read it. You do not have to.

Tweeting “The Lost Symbol”

Well, I just finished it. In leiu of the short review (coming soon) here are my tweets on the subject. You’ll need to read from the bottom up to make sense of it, and it won’t make much sense.

Finished.
92 seconds ago, using TweetDeck
And now we’re getting into pro-Christian territory.
13 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
I was right about Mal’akh’s identity.
36 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
The crisis of National Security is finding out what the Freemasons do, in re their initiations. Really?
41 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
Langdon really is just a character rather than THE character in this book.
99 minutes ago, using txt
Robert Langdon just drowned. Possibly to death.
105 minutes ago, using txt
Evil priest? Well, is there any other kind?
137 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
Could it be that the villain (or the patsy) is the son of one of the other characters?
154 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
The Rosicrucians have just made an appearance. This is the worst rewrite of “Foucault’s Pendulum” ever.
173 minutes ago, using TweetDeck
Darth Vader is in the story as well. Luke’s dark father.
3 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Hmm… Satanism.
3 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Now the Great Beast has been cited.
3 hours ago, using TweetDeck
They’re are about to go to Leigh Teabing’s place.Well, this book’s equivalent. Hope he’s got PowerPoint.
4 hours ago, using TweetDeck
This book’s artist par excellence is Albrecht Durer.
4 hours ago, using TweetDeck
The villain character is as clichéd as that Hashisheen and the Albino.
4 hours ago, using TweetDeck
The CIA have an X-ray device thst can detect tiny text on a 2″ gold pyramid, apparently.
5 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Off home to eat and continue reading this tripe. It’s proving to be a harder read than expected; I’m just not into it.
7 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Dan Brown’s descriptions know no beginning; inky black voids, nondescript basements. I can believe these to be accurate ala the preface.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck
@monkeyfluids His name is Joachim. He comes from the briny depths to offer the secret of stonemasonry. I think.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck, in response to @monkeyfluids
“Masons in the Basement.” The sequel to “Aliens in the Attack?”
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck
A giant squid has just turned up. No, I’m not kidding. No, it isn’t all that exciting an event, either.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Now, the subbasement. It really needs to get gripping soon.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck
After 90 pages in a Rotunda Langdon has decided to go visit a featureless basement.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck
@darmeus I keep being interrupted. And Robert Langdon has just spent 90 pages in one place.
8 hours ago, using TweetDeck, in response to @darmeus
The scientist has access to OCR software that translates from obscure and dead languages. She backs up to holographic storage. Masons, eh?
10 hours ago, using TweetDeck
The Bond villain has just arrived.
11 hours ago, using TweetDeck
@darmeus I wish I had popcorn.
11 hours ago, using TweetDeck, in response to @darmeus
Lunch break, just as the scientist enters the Noetics lab.
11 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Took a break for a haircut. Back at it; someone has lost an arm.
12 hours ago, using TweetDeck
The villain is non-Christian; we’re meant to think he is Muslim. He won’t be, ala “Angels and Demons.”
13 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Langdon is apparently Christian. This must be an apology, through the character, for ‘The Da Vinci Code.’
13 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Langdon seems to teach an awful lot of spurious courses at Harvard. Does his Faculty know? I’m sure the Dean would not approve.
13 hours ago, using TweetDeck
The reference in chapter 1 to ties will foreshadow an attempt on Langdon’s life later in the book.
13 hours ago, using TweetDeck
Moko are mentioned.
14 hours ago, using txt
It is mine. Off to the office to work on it.
14 hours ago, using txt
I went to find Dan Brown. I found a new Iain Banks.
14 hours ago, using txt
It depresses me that the first novel I will read this year is a) in October and b) “The Lost Symbol.”
14 hours ago, using txt

‘The Lost Symbol’ – First thoughts

Despite the fact (well, because of the fact) that Dan Brown’s latest page turner does not come out until 11:01 tomorrow morning, the first chapter and prologue have been deemed fit enough to grace pages 10 and 11 of the front section of today’s Herald.

First thoughts? Well, the prose is no better and, once again, we get a short section with the villain (although whoever he is, he is bound to be a patsy for the real enemy) of the piece; Dan Brown has his formula and it seems having the weight of the publishing world upon his shoulders will not stop him from sticking to it.

Second, more rarefied thoughts… Well, it looks like the Freemasons will be the group under attack and it’s fairly safe to assume that Robert Langdon’s rich mentor, Peter Solomon, will be a prominent Mason who will have to reveal all to his ward about halfway through the novel.

Which I shall be devouring tomorrow, in the line of a Sineater rather than a devoted fan. Expect more thoughts by Wednesday, and regular tweets on the subject tomorrow.

The Lost Hours of the Lost Symbol

In fourteen days time the new Dan Brown page-turner will be in my not-at-all sweaty hands. I am, oddly enough, looking forward to it; if ‘The Lost Symbol’ is as big an event as ‘The Da Vinci Code’ became it will fuel Conspiracy Theories and interest in Conspiracy Theories for years to come ((I hope the Freemasons are getting ready for an increased interest in what they are up to. Whether they end up being the villains or the hidden heroes of the story, they are going to be subject to quite a lot of scrutiny should the book prove popular.)).

I will be there to feed.

I plan to read the book in one mammoth sitting; it shouldn’t be too hard; I read the last Harry Potter book in a few hours (I had to, after the internet’s role in the Snape Reveal Fiasco of ‘…the Half-Blood Prince’) and J. K. Rowling’s prose is a damn sight more complex than anything Dan Brown has to offer.

I’m hoping to get a short review of the book up within a few hours of finishing the undertaking; I’ll leave the longer review a few days to fester.